Philosophy of online dating

Does the tribe care? As of last month, I signed up to another disruptive technology: Yes, I joined Guardian Soulmates. This time, I decided to take a more Machiavellian approach.

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So I simply added hundreds of women as one of my favourites around or so in an hour. About half of them added me as well reciprocity , and presto, by the end of the day I was right up the popular board. Suddenly way more people were sending me emails asking to meet up. The number one girl on the female popular board sent me an email, asking me to write to her.

I had just made the football team, and suddenly the head cheerleader is making eyes at me. So I then felt I had to reply to all their emails. I found the site strangely compulsive. The journalist or voyeur in me had to find out who was the person behind the profile page. It was like an advent calendar, where you keep opening the little windows, without ever quite getting to Christmas.

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And being on the site started to change how I behaved. It was truly a disruptive technology. It broke the old ways of going on dates, made it more efficient, more rational, but also, perhaps, less civilized, more brutal. Initially you bring an old economy attitude to dating. You actually arrange to go on dates, to go to restaurants, or art shows, or other old-fashioned wastes of time.

So, instead, you arrange to meet after work for a beer or two. You know within two beers if you like each other or not. If not, get out of there after the second beer. After all, there really are plenty more fish in the sea. Thousands of them, just a click away. You find yourself checking the website on your mobile phone while your date has gone to the loo probably to check their phone too.

Everything is speeded up. This is the internet marketplace. And this rather brutal directness starts to seep out beyond the confines of online dating, into your offline interactions.

You find yourself hitting on friends, find yourself being inappropriately flirtatious, find yourself eyeing up the girls at work, imagining what they look like…online. Everyone becomes a profile to click on.

Online Dating Profiles Of The Wise And Famous | Thought Catalog

The word I would use is…weird. You hear a lot of sad stories — a woman who gave up her dream of being a dancer because the doctors said she had a back problem and it would leave her paralysed. Ten years later, she found out they were wrong, but by then life had passed her by. Another girl, who was number one on the popular board, told me she had run as an MP.

I expected her to be a scary alpha female, but in fact she turned out to be…a witch. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again. And this is apparently from over two months ago. Are there not as many TC-caliber submissions as it would seem? You must be new here. And if there is they tend to be in the context of adding some content or a rebuttal, things like that. Kierkegaard would never set up a dating profile!!

Plato wrote his own theories giving the guy who turned out to be right at the end of the discussion the name of Socrates. He did this as an act of admiration, I believe. The profile above gets him exactly backwards I know this piece is a tongue in cheek, but jokes ought to point the right way to start with. Yet to judge from this blog, women love Soren and hate Fred. TBH, I think Soren is getting the love because of his emo tantrums and funky hair and htis makes me feel bemused and somehwat depressed.

Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. It was called sex and we'd never had it so good. Basically, sex had become a very ordinary activity that had nothing to do with the terrible fears and thrilling transgressions of the past. All they needed to do was sign up, pay a modest fee getting a date costs less than going to see a film , write a blog or use a social networking site.

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Nothing could be easier. In a sense, though, sex and love are opposites.

One is something that could but perhaps shouldn't be exchanged for money or non-financial favours; the other is that which resists being reduced to economic parameters. The problem is that we want both, often at the same time, without realising that they are not at all the same thing. And online dating intensifies that confusion.

Online dating

Kaufmann argues that in the new world of speed dating, online dating and social networking, the overwhelming idea is to have short, sharp engagements that involve minimal commitment and maximal pleasure. In this, he follows the Leeds-based sociologist Zygmunt Bauman , who proposed the metaphor of "liquid love" to characterise how we form connections in the digital age.

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  8. It's easier to break with a Facebook friend than a real friend; the work of a split second to delete a mobile-phone contact. In his book Liquid Love, Bauman wrote that we "liquid moderns" cannot commit to relationships and have few kinship ties. We incessantly have to use our skills, wits and dedication to create provisional bonds that are loose enough to stop suffocation, but tight enough to give a needed sense of security now that the traditional sources of solace family, career, loving relationships are less reliable than ever.

    And online dating offers just such chances for us to have fast and furious sexual relationships in which commitment is a no-no and yet quantity and quality can be positively rather than inversely related. After a while, Kaufmann has found, those who use online dating sites become disillusioned. But all-pervasive cynicism and utilitarianism eventually sicken anyone who has any sense of human decency.

    When the players become too cold and detached, nothing good can come of it. He also comes across online addicts who can't move from digital flirting to real dates and others shocked that websites, which they had sought out as refuges from the judgmental cattle-market of real-life interactions, are just as cruel and unforgiving — perhaps more so. Online dating has also become a terrain for a new — and often upsetting — gender struggle.

    Men have exercised that right for millennia. But women's exercise of that right, Kaufmann argues, gets exploited by the worst kind of men. The want a 'real man', a male who asserts himself and even what they call 'bad boys'. So the gentle guys, who believed themselves to have responded to the demands of women, don't understand why they are rejected. But frequently, after this sequence, these women are quickly disappointed. After a period of saturation, they come to think: The disappointing experience of online dating, Kaufmann argues, is partly explained because we want conflicting things from it: Worse, the things we want change as we experience them: Maybe, he suggests, we could remove the conflicts and human love could evolve to a new level.

    Or if 'love' sounds too off-putting, for a little affection, for a little attentiveness to our partners, given they are human beings and not just sex objects.

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    This is the new philosopher's stone — an alchemical mingling of two opposites, sex and love. Kaufman's utopia, then, involves a new concept he calls tentatively LoveSex which sounds like an old Prince album, but let's not hold that against him. Kaufmann suggests that we have to reverse out of the cul de sac of sex for sex's sake and recombine it with love once more to make our experiences less chilly but also less clouded by romantic illusions.